Flight to Vietnam

11pm 30/07/19, flight 1 to Dubai - One of destinations on my bucket list is Vietnam and at the tender age of 27, Jay and I have packed off to go on a trip. This is the first long-haul flight I’ve been on in 10 years and it includes a layover, so, in total we’re spending 16 hours travelling to Ho Chi Minh city. Notoriously I am terrible at packing, I get packed weeks in advance but miss out so many things that I end up buying stuff while travelling. So far into our 16 hour journey we’ve forgotten sun-tan lotion & I might have under-packed on the t-shirts. Definitely calls for a little shopping trip upon arrival to Ho Chi Minh.

I have the feeling that Jay and I will be the annoying ones on the plane. I already need to go to the toilet, we’ve had to ask the poor old Caucasian lady sat in the isle to move out the way and we’ve already laughed an intolerable amount of times. That being said, the prat in front of me just reclined his chair all the way back, 10 minutes into the flight. The seat was not designed well enough for the small tv to even face me properly while the person in front has reclined. It’s literally facing my crotch. While I write this little memoir of our journey I will be forever hoping the guy in front of me gets bitten by a rabid dog.

When checking in to our flight the women working at the counter encouraged me to take my bag on the flight as a carry on instead of checking it in. I agreed. When she said the same thing to Jay, being the responsible ‘balding’ adult he is, he said “no I can’t take it as a carry on, I have fluids over 100ml.” She nodded and agreed silently, but seconds later I perked up like the irresponsible adult I am and said “yeah, he’s got hair gel.” The women, Jay and I laughed and she continued to laugh while talking to Jay. The interaction lasted longer and longer because every time she tried to speak to us and ask questions she started to laugh again. This might be a difficult holiday for Jay. 1-0 to me.

11:30pm  (That’s right, it’s been an hour since we boarded) – If the woman next to us wasn’t racist before, she definitely is now. We had to squeeze past her because I needed to go to the restroom. Maybe being in the window seat wasn’t such a good idea, Jay looks petrified and rightly so, she emits an odour that is scary. As somebody who doesn’t fly often, I usually start to feel unwell on planes. Usually the smell of the recycled air, mixed with the cleanliness of other passengers gets to me and gives my stomach an uneasy feeling. But this is probably the best flight I’ve been on (so far). The brackets weren’t because I was planning on flying more, but because if the old lady turns around and slaps Jay it might become a little worse (then again I would die laughing). The smell is not nearly as bad as other planes I’ve been on and the comfort of the seat (apart from the annoying guy in front of me) is great.

12am – 1 hour done. This is a pleasant journey. Except I’ve finished my Fanta and eaten all my Haribo. I do have sleeping pills that I bought from Boots at terminal 3, but I think I’ll save that for the second flight seeing as this airplane is so nice it’s keeping me from feeling sick. The last time I was on an international flight it was coming back from Malaga. The airplane smell was at full rife and it mixed with a couple of bad sandwiches I ate at the lounge to make me feel queezy. Instead of falling asleep or throwing up in the toilet, I told the flight attendant I felt shit and he cleared a section near the front of the plane and told me to lay down. I was 26 and I lay on the floor, a fully-grown man curled up in the foetal position. It wasn’t a great flight.

3am – Hour 3 into our holiday, I sneezed twice and Jay didn’t say bless you. I think I’m ready to kill him. It lasted long. I’m proud for how long I lasted.

4am – Regardless of how hard I’ve tried, I have been unable to sleep on this plane. This could go either way. It could go well, because hopefully I’ll be able to sleep on the second less comfortable flight. Or it could go bad, because I feel shattered and if I have to rely on Jay getting us through the flights because I'm not alert enough, we'll end up in Madagascar. I said I was going to try and stay awake, it is now 4am and I am awake, but it’s not for a lack of trying. Next to me is Jay sleeping with MY blanket wrapped around his head to cover his eyes from the light. Why my blanket you ask? Jay lost his blanket after we went for a walk because the old lady was finally out of her seat and we needed to take advantage and stretch our legs.

This isn’t a sleeping position people usually adopt. Covering their face completely with a blanket. While typing this the air hostess walked past and looked concerned for Jay’s safety. She pointed at him and politely mouthed the words “is he okay?” I did my best to put on my concerned face, I grabbed my pillow and I assertively but gently, pressed it down on Jay’s face till his arms started waiving about. I then took the pillow off and told the air hostess that unfortunately – Jay was fine and was probably having a really good sleep. She laughed and left.

As somebody who feels very tired but cant sleep, I am intrigued to find out what is going to happen after I take a sleeping pill. Hopefully it will give me the ability to sleep upright on a plane, or the ability to tell Jay to fuck off the next time he asks for a blanket. If I was in a car on a long journey or a train, I would be asleep in seconds. The gentle journey and friction against the floor/rails would rock me to sleep. When I was at university I had a friend who had a massive sub woofer in the back of his car. Sitting in his backseat was the best sleep I’d ever get, regardless of how loud it was, I always felt like it was rocking me to sleep. This plane, is way too smooth. It’s like trying to sleep at a dining table, not a large dining table, but a 6 person dining table which has 14 people sat around it. It felt like sleeping on that dining table.

10:30am – As you can see a lot of time has passed since I last wrote in my little journey diary. I didn’t get a wink of sleep in the first flight and as soon as it landed it was a rush to get to our connecting flight. Running through Dubai airport while tired is not the best. As soon as I got on this plane, I took the sleeping pill and fell asleep. It was amazing. I don’t even remember taking off.

Now, I am strictly opposed to the consumption of aeroplane food due to the fact that it makes me sick, even the smell of it, I was woken up by Jay and the air hostess asking me if I was hungry? REALLY? I was sleeping! I am a deep sleeper, as soon as I get to sleep, it takes a lot to wake me up. However, as soon as I am woken up, regardless of how many sleeping pills I’ve taken or how tired I am, I just can’t get back to sleep. So when Jay and the hostess woke me up to ask me about food even though I didn’t want to eat anything, I was annoyed to say the least. There is no feeling worse than falling asleep at the start of an 8 hour flight and waking up thinking it’s nearly over, only to be told there’s 4 hours left.

Prats.

Sometime near the end – time unknown. Oh well, I survived the flight. Regained my energy as soon as we landed, ready to get out and explore our first destination. Ho Chi Minh City. The guy who sat next to me, who took the arm rest the whole way and was a “healthier” person than most, thanked me before leaving. I don’t remember flying the plane but you’re welcome fella. The journey was done (finally) and now I have 3 days before I’m sat in an airport again and on a plane again.