Hi all and welcome to Raised by Elephants.
I thought it's best to start off with an introduction and a little background to why I started a blog, seeing as delving into my posts without context will probably highlight a man who is slowly entering insanity.
In my late 20's I guess you can call me vanilla. I was 24 when I attended my first actual concert and 26 when I decided to go on holiday without a package deal or an experienced travel buddy. It's only after doing those little grown up things I've found that I put the 'luck' in bad-luck. Usually the person I'm with has had a traumatic experience while I've escaped with a story and a laugh.
Although these fits of bad luck tend to affect the trip or the event - I definitely find worth in being able to say "I told you so." Just the feeling of being right even though we didn't follow through with the plan gives me this warm sensation that I will gloat about forever, and if you do something that makes me chuckle, even a little, I will bring that story up in front of every new person we meet forever.
Before I start this story, It’s probably best that I describe my mate Jay to you. First, I want you to think of Karl Pilkington, then make him a little shorter, a little wider, give him a bit more facial hair, and then give him a look you assossiciate with somebody who is trying to read a serial number printed on an M&M. Jay has had his license longer than me, bought a car before me, and yet is so terrified of driving he refuses to go anywhere unless picked up. He once said that on his commute to work, sometimes he gets lucky and gets to drive behind a bus. So no other road users had expectations of him breaking the speed limit, how could he? He was behind a bus.
As you read through the stories I post, spare a thought for the best friend of Jay. So many things happen to him, I’ve had to start a blog so we can laugh about them for years to come. Why doesn’t he start a blog? I’ve known him for 13 years, and he’s only ever typed with his right index finger smashing keys down like an evil primate trying to take over the world. So yes, in the stories you read about Jay, please be aware that the poor soul has trouble in the real world. And for every lucky thing that might happen to you, an equally unlucky thing might have just happened to Jay.
Reading Festival 2017. Liam Gallagher had just been announced and as a childhood Oasis fan, I bought two tickets without actually asking anyone if they wanted to go. Closer to the date I realized I should start asking people and my good pal' Jay decided to join me. His first ever music festival but not mine. Being the eager beaver and the Oasis fan who decided to go - I drove us to the festival at 1pm. LG was not scheduled to arrive on stage til 8. For 5 hours we went around the stages, saw the comics, ate some stall food, and even saw part of a movie. All the time listening to Jay complain about the smell.
Eventually we saw a herd of people start walking toward the main stage and we joined in. Glancing around we looked about 5 years older than the crowd around us & I realized this was because the next artist on stage was Giggs. A grime artist, not Ryan Giggs, who is the usually the first person to come to mind for me when somebody says Giggs. His presence on stage was great - I have no idea what any of the lyrics were but the relatively young and small crowd around me was enjoying it. He then said he had a special guest, the crowd quietened down, the calm before the storm, before bringing out Drake. The crowd went insane.
The number of people increased and in the video I made, you can see the shake of the ground as everyone frantically jumped and pushed to get closer to the stage. In this mass hysteria, you see Jay and I stood there quietly talking to each other. I wouldn't say we were underwhelmed or overwhelmed, I'd say we were sufficiently whelmed, if that's a thing. Drake and Giggs left, along with half the crowd, and we edged closer to the front near the stage. The Blossoms came on and as soon as their last song finished, again a section of the crowd left and we edged even closer to the stage.
It was time for the reason we were there - time for Liam Gallagher, the voice that sung my childhood songs. I know a lot of people always remember the first album they bought, but growing up in the late 90's it's different for me. 'Stop crying your heart out' is the first song I downloaded (legally obviously 😅). His set was perfect for an Oasis fan. It had the classics sprinkled in with some new stuff from his album, I was in awe and loving it. In the blistering heat, the mix of B/O and that festival smell, the fact that Jay complained constantly for 6 hours. It was all worth it. And then he finished his set, threw his tambourine into the crowd (miles away from me) and walked off stage.
"Right, let's go home." We were aware that Muse was on stage after. And well aware that the people who bought day tickets came to see the headline act Muse, and not the support act LG. But not being a Muse fan, the fact that my senses reactivated and I felt the heat, smelt the stench and tasted the sweat coming from my forehead. I felt it was right to get out of the dense crowd and stand in a space where we can move. "What?! No way, we're here we might as well stay here now" Jay retorted. All of a sudden the guy who didn't want to stand at the front and complained the whole time, decided this was the time he wanted to become the biggest Muse fan in Reading.
Muse wasn't scheduled to be on stage for another 90 minutes - as I was taller than most people around me, the security kept handing me cups of water to distribute to people. I was so compressed by the crowd, it felt like I was only ever able to do a half-breath out. Take a deep breath in, and then only exhale half of the amount you want to be comfortable, and then hold it there. That's what it felt like for me standing in that crowd with people up to chest height using me as shade from the sun.
But still, Jay kept telling me to stay there mixing in insults calling me a coward for wanting to leave. "We might as well stay here now you P**sy, stop being a B*tch!" Over and over again Jay and I had this argument, all the while the stage was expanding, meaning the area was getting smaller but the amount of people in this small area stayed the same. Our space got smaller and smaller and my level of comfort decreased rapidly. Finally, the sun set and the crowd went silent for a brief second and this amazing laser light show began with each member of Muse appearing from a box.
I was in awe, never seen a show like this. Without knowing a single word to any song the crowd moved like a wave closer to the stage and then back again. We all jumped in sync and the cheering was as deafening as the music from the gigantic speakers. A single depressing thought entered my mind, "Jay was right, being at the front for this set is perfect." I looked to my left to see if Jay was ready to gloat, I was met by a confused face looking towards the floor. Now Jay isn't the type of person who takes his phone out to record a show. In fact it would take a shocking amount of time for him to take the camera out and click record, the show would have been over.
The sound was incredible and the laser show was fantastic, yet Jay kept looking at the floor with his eyes squinted and his hand scratching his head. Eventually I got close enough to speak to him and as loud as I can asked if everything was okay. Without looking up he mirrored my volume and said "my shoe! I lost my shoe!" As the crowd were moving like a wave, and jumping together like lemmings, Jay had somehow lost his shoe in the sea of 90,000 people and couldn't remember at which point in the wave it had been stepped off.
That warm feeling came over me. I knew I was right to move further back for Muse. He kept calling me a coward and questioning my intelligence for wanting to move further back, and now look whats happened, he has lost his slip on shoe. Muse had played 2 songs and during the third song, I watched Jay hop up and down on one foot more than I watched the show. I laughed and laughed as the small circle of people around us took a quick glance for his shoe before looking back toward the stage. Being the great friend I am, I decided I should take Jay home. I walked through the entire crowd from the front of the festival to the back, occasionally saying things like "Sorry! Going through, friend lost his shoe!" and "Don't throw your syringes on the floor, my mate lost his shoe because he refused to listen to me!"
As we walked to the exit we started walking past the stalls that people set up to sell clothes and food for the festival goers who were camping. They were all packing away as it was 10pm and wanted to leave before the rush of everyone leaving. We went to 3 stalls and managed to get Jay a pair of Wellies he could use to walk to the car in. Taking Jay to his first festival meant listening to him complain for the duration of time we were there, having him insult me as he finally thought he could hold something over me, and then finally laughing hysterically at my mate losing his shoe. I couldn't get on the phone quick enough to not only take pictures but to call everyone we knew.
And there you have it - I love being able to say I told you so, and even more so, I love being the guy who witnesses hilarious things happening to my friends.
I thought it's best to start off with an introduction and a little background to why I started a blog, seeing as delving into my posts without context will probably highlight a man who is slowly entering insanity.
In my late 20's I guess you can call me vanilla. I was 24 when I attended my first actual concert and 26 when I decided to go on holiday without a package deal or an experienced travel buddy. It's only after doing those little grown up things I've found that I put the 'luck' in bad-luck. Usually the person I'm with has had a traumatic experience while I've escaped with a story and a laugh.
Although these fits of bad luck tend to affect the trip or the event - I definitely find worth in being able to say "I told you so." Just the feeling of being right even though we didn't follow through with the plan gives me this warm sensation that I will gloat about forever, and if you do something that makes me chuckle, even a little, I will bring that story up in front of every new person we meet forever.
Before I start this story, It’s probably best that I describe my mate Jay to you. First, I want you to think of Karl Pilkington, then make him a little shorter, a little wider, give him a bit more facial hair, and then give him a look you assossiciate with somebody who is trying to read a serial number printed on an M&M. Jay has had his license longer than me, bought a car before me, and yet is so terrified of driving he refuses to go anywhere unless picked up. He once said that on his commute to work, sometimes he gets lucky and gets to drive behind a bus. So no other road users had expectations of him breaking the speed limit, how could he? He was behind a bus.
As you read through the stories I post, spare a thought for the best friend of Jay. So many things happen to him, I’ve had to start a blog so we can laugh about them for years to come. Why doesn’t he start a blog? I’ve known him for 13 years, and he’s only ever typed with his right index finger smashing keys down like an evil primate trying to take over the world. So yes, in the stories you read about Jay, please be aware that the poor soul has trouble in the real world. And for every lucky thing that might happen to you, an equally unlucky thing might have just happened to Jay.
Reading Festival 2017. Liam Gallagher had just been announced and as a childhood Oasis fan, I bought two tickets without actually asking anyone if they wanted to go. Closer to the date I realized I should start asking people and my good pal' Jay decided to join me. His first ever music festival but not mine. Being the eager beaver and the Oasis fan who decided to go - I drove us to the festival at 1pm. LG was not scheduled to arrive on stage til 8. For 5 hours we went around the stages, saw the comics, ate some stall food, and even saw part of a movie. All the time listening to Jay complain about the smell.
Eventually we saw a herd of people start walking toward the main stage and we joined in. Glancing around we looked about 5 years older than the crowd around us & I realized this was because the next artist on stage was Giggs. A grime artist, not Ryan Giggs, who is the usually the first person to come to mind for me when somebody says Giggs. His presence on stage was great - I have no idea what any of the lyrics were but the relatively young and small crowd around me was enjoying it. He then said he had a special guest, the crowd quietened down, the calm before the storm, before bringing out Drake. The crowd went insane.
The number of people increased and in the video I made, you can see the shake of the ground as everyone frantically jumped and pushed to get closer to the stage. In this mass hysteria, you see Jay and I stood there quietly talking to each other. I wouldn't say we were underwhelmed or overwhelmed, I'd say we were sufficiently whelmed, if that's a thing. Drake and Giggs left, along with half the crowd, and we edged closer to the front near the stage. The Blossoms came on and as soon as their last song finished, again a section of the crowd left and we edged even closer to the stage.
It was time for the reason we were there - time for Liam Gallagher, the voice that sung my childhood songs. I know a lot of people always remember the first album they bought, but growing up in the late 90's it's different for me. 'Stop crying your heart out' is the first song I downloaded (legally obviously 😅). His set was perfect for an Oasis fan. It had the classics sprinkled in with some new stuff from his album, I was in awe and loving it. In the blistering heat, the mix of B/O and that festival smell, the fact that Jay complained constantly for 6 hours. It was all worth it. And then he finished his set, threw his tambourine into the crowd (miles away from me) and walked off stage.
"Right, let's go home." We were aware that Muse was on stage after. And well aware that the people who bought day tickets came to see the headline act Muse, and not the support act LG. But not being a Muse fan, the fact that my senses reactivated and I felt the heat, smelt the stench and tasted the sweat coming from my forehead. I felt it was right to get out of the dense crowd and stand in a space where we can move. "What?! No way, we're here we might as well stay here now" Jay retorted. All of a sudden the guy who didn't want to stand at the front and complained the whole time, decided this was the time he wanted to become the biggest Muse fan in Reading.
Muse wasn't scheduled to be on stage for another 90 minutes - as I was taller than most people around me, the security kept handing me cups of water to distribute to people. I was so compressed by the crowd, it felt like I was only ever able to do a half-breath out. Take a deep breath in, and then only exhale half of the amount you want to be comfortable, and then hold it there. That's what it felt like for me standing in that crowd with people up to chest height using me as shade from the sun.
But still, Jay kept telling me to stay there mixing in insults calling me a coward for wanting to leave. "We might as well stay here now you P**sy, stop being a B*tch!" Over and over again Jay and I had this argument, all the while the stage was expanding, meaning the area was getting smaller but the amount of people in this small area stayed the same. Our space got smaller and smaller and my level of comfort decreased rapidly. Finally, the sun set and the crowd went silent for a brief second and this amazing laser light show began with each member of Muse appearing from a box.
I was in awe, never seen a show like this. Without knowing a single word to any song the crowd moved like a wave closer to the stage and then back again. We all jumped in sync and the cheering was as deafening as the music from the gigantic speakers. A single depressing thought entered my mind, "Jay was right, being at the front for this set is perfect." I looked to my left to see if Jay was ready to gloat, I was met by a confused face looking towards the floor. Now Jay isn't the type of person who takes his phone out to record a show. In fact it would take a shocking amount of time for him to take the camera out and click record, the show would have been over.
The sound was incredible and the laser show was fantastic, yet Jay kept looking at the floor with his eyes squinted and his hand scratching his head. Eventually I got close enough to speak to him and as loud as I can asked if everything was okay. Without looking up he mirrored my volume and said "my shoe! I lost my shoe!" As the crowd were moving like a wave, and jumping together like lemmings, Jay had somehow lost his shoe in the sea of 90,000 people and couldn't remember at which point in the wave it had been stepped off.
That warm feeling came over me. I knew I was right to move further back for Muse. He kept calling me a coward and questioning my intelligence for wanting to move further back, and now look whats happened, he has lost his slip on shoe. Muse had played 2 songs and during the third song, I watched Jay hop up and down on one foot more than I watched the show. I laughed and laughed as the small circle of people around us took a quick glance for his shoe before looking back toward the stage. Being the great friend I am, I decided I should take Jay home. I walked through the entire crowd from the front of the festival to the back, occasionally saying things like "Sorry! Going through, friend lost his shoe!" and "Don't throw your syringes on the floor, my mate lost his shoe because he refused to listen to me!"
As we walked to the exit we started walking past the stalls that people set up to sell clothes and food for the festival goers who were camping. They were all packing away as it was 10pm and wanted to leave before the rush of everyone leaving. We went to 3 stalls and managed to get Jay a pair of Wellies he could use to walk to the car in. Taking Jay to his first festival meant listening to him complain for the duration of time we were there, having him insult me as he finally thought he could hold something over me, and then finally laughing hysterically at my mate losing his shoe. I couldn't get on the phone quick enough to not only take pictures but to call everyone we knew.
And there you have it - I love being able to say I told you so, and even more so, I love being the guy who witnesses hilarious things happening to my friends.
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